Only the Reindeers were Bored at Brentford Christmas Market

Brentford West councillor Guy Lambert reports back

Brentford West councillor Guy Lambert

December 20, 2024

Having resigned from the cabinet about 6 months ago now, I have been developing other things to improve myself (and, of course, the world). I am trying to work on creativity, following a book that was recommended to me called The Artist's Way, that involves writing 3 pages of random writings each day. Being an accountant in my heart I am an economiser and have cut the commitment to 2 pages and it rather spookily always takes me between 35 and 43 minutes, but usually 37 minutes first thing every morning. What it achieves is highly debatable, but I’m open to whatever comes up.

I think I mentioned some time ago that I came across short stories written by the well-known philosopher Bertrand Russell (Bert to his mates) and published in 1953, when he was 81. This was apparently his first try at fiction and I found it very entertaining, so to me it proves there it is possible for old dogs to start learning new tricks, especially for those of us with a rich history of achievement such as me. He had the Nobel Prize and a few other baubles where I have a medal for finishing the 17 mile cycle ride in 2019.

Anyway part of this scheme is I am supposed to have an Artist Date once a week. Partly I have been going to museums and places of interest (which has been great) but my other thing has been cinemas. On Friday I went to ActOne, a community cinema that has opened in what used to be the library in Acton. Pretty good, and a lot cheaper than a commercial cinema. I saw an Indian film called All We Imagine as Light, which was very good. We need one of those in Brentford and here’s hoping for the planned replacement for the Watermans which I will hereafter refer to as Watersons. Or Waterdaughters. Or Waterchildren. I’ll take a poll on that.

On Saturday I can’t claim it was an Artist Date but it was outside my usual behaviour. For years I have been cycling from time to time to Richmond and often come back along the A316 and Chiswick Bridge. You get a slightly different aspect of life from a cycle lane which exists along that big road, and several years ago I noticed a rather grand house that appears to be uninhabited at the entrance to the Mortlake Cemetery.

Of course there is a possibility it is inhabited by ghosts and that could be their white costumes hanging out to dry. Next to it is a rare car.

It is the rarely seen Renault Vel Satis and I reckon it has sat there for several years. There’s a little whim in my mind that I could buy it. It is probably 98% rust (remember I did once work for Renault) and if you look it up it is regarded as… weird. Turns out it’s MoT ran out in November 2017 – but fear not, it is officially Off Road so I won’t be arrested for looking at it. Unless ghosts intervene. If I get bored I will try and work out the mystery here. Anyone got any clues?

The house reminded me of the house on the corner of Gunnersbury Park, which has been derelict for at least a decade, probably two. I get greatly engaged with that when it was in my ward but discovered it was owned 50% by Hounslow and 50% by Ealing. Steve Curran RIP had a crack at it because we both thought it would make an excellent council house. The Housing department decided it was not suitable. It still annoys me so I talked to the then new leader of Ealing, who was going to push it alongside Steve. That was the last I heard of it. A couple of years ago I got back on it and was told it was now being dealt with by an officer at Hounslow. However before I even talked to him I was told he was retiring. I asked who was now responsible, but I never got an answer. I made the point that if you spend £100K on it you could sell it for probably at least £1M based on the houses on Popes Lane. The Richmond one would be a lot more – better house, twice the size.

After that I dropped in at The Brewery Tap. They were having a 5 years birthday of Annie and Merlin’s reign there. Always a pleasure but it was worryingly popular with some people who looked quite young.

What’s the world coming to, I wonder. Not safe anywhere.

On Sunday we had the Brentford Christmas Market. Wouldn’t miss that and it was great to see how busy it was.

Most people looking very lively and it looked like a lot of trade was happening, which is good to see.

There were a couple of people who looked very bored.

For some of us the problem is too much beer. For reindeer it seems to be too much straw, but if they were singing bawdy songs I couldn’t hear. But of course I am deaf.

On Monday I had a brief meeting with the Operations Manager at the FoodBox. Reminds me I need to finish off a bit of work I did on accounts. Good to see we have had a licence to use our premises emerged but as it was an 18 month licence which started 17 months ago it doesn’t feel everything is moving through at a rattling pace at the council.

Then I was off to the annual party of BRAG – the Brentford Recycling Action Group. We met at the Express Tavern – very good though the hot dog I ordered was a mistake - and I ducked out after an hour or so because my hearing aids were not up to the job. Perhaps I should recycle them.

Tuesday was my day to meet old colleagues, Up London. Normally my route is Gunnersbury then the District Line and change to Piccadilly at Hammersmith to go to Covent Garden. But I fancied a bit of extra river and cycled round Dukes Meadow to end up in Hammersmith. Then like a twerp I got the District and ending up walking from Embankment station to Covent Garden.

Going up Villiers Street made me think of my father. Before he died in 1971 he used to come each year to the Motor Show with my mother. He liked the innovations that come to London before Liverpool and he came home raving about this new restaurant that had opened in Villiers Street. It was a whole new concept and was known as a Wimpy Bar. We came down as a family on some other occasion and made a pilgrimage to the Wimpy. Perhaps this was the start of my depraved lifestyle, who knows. The one that came to Liverpool transformed a few years later into a Golden Egg. Those were the days.

Well after that I had to cross the Strand. Not as daunting as it was when I worked there (someone introduced a Congestion Charge – remember?) and now it’s pretty quiet, except for taxis. Well there’s a lovely cobbled layby for the taxis and some idiots walk across it, catch their toe on a cobble and end up flat on their front. Plenty of folks about who quickly helped me up (thank you, unknown Samaritans) but I had a couple of grazes and a dodgy knee which I’m thinking may soon require a restful sojourn in West Middlesex’s renowned A&E. Ah well, I had a good lunch in great company and managed to remember my bike was at Hammersmith.

I was both delighted and dismayed to see one of our local ancient monuments had been removed.

The yellow thingies that had adorned the cycle lane (and elsewhere) since Alfred the Great was on the throne had been removed from the cycle lane where they had been placed to stop cyclists getting gassed and redirect them into A&E after an accident. They remain on the footpath and in places have the more iconic barriers saying No Smoking for people to ignore in the traditional manner. Except when there’s a breeze and they fall over to enhance the trip hazard. Cycling to Hounslow the other day I noticed these precious artefacts were also available in Isleworth.

This morning I was out talking to the remaining retailers on Albany Parade. I have been trying to get a result for these for many months but with no real progress at all, except that apparently one of them has been shown his putative premises. He, like all the others, have had their 34 page guide to fitting out a shop. I am not convinced they will be successful in following this guide, actually doing the fitting out, completing a lease, vacating their existing shop and moving their stock by the 3rd January. It would be more like a breeze if they did not have the inconvenient problem of this being the holiday period. We’ll see how that plays out, but we have a worried set of retailers there. One business closed some times ago, 3 more will apparently close on 3rd January and reopen who knows when. One of them has an office elsewhere they can use but 3 have no Plan B.

I have written to everybody in the council I can think of – officers and members – who might be capable or willing to make something happen. Of course there are apparently 8 unidentified (to me) other retailers who are also waiting with bated breath to hear when they can move in.

Was good (I suppose) to see someone has replaced the plank seats on a couple of the benches in Albany Parade which I reported a couple of years ago. They are not very convincingly varnished but I suppose in the couple of weeks they will stay until it is blocked off they will have little chance to rot.

In case you think I’m not doing much, with not much meetings happening, you would be quite correct. There is still casework and things around the ward so I’m keeping occupied – and always happy to talk to locals.

Councillor Guy Lambert