Can You Take a Portaloo to the Tip in a Bentley Convertible?

Brentford West councillor Guy Lambert reports back

Brentford West councillor Guy Lambert

September 13, 2024

My life is calmer these days with no Cabinets and preparation for same, so nothing much to report.

Somebody alerted me that a lot of the parking on Netley Road had been suspended for filming. Actually it turned out to be most of the road from the 4th to 8th of September. I have nothing at all against a bit of filming but nobody bothered (it seems) to alert all the people who would be unable to park there and nobody bothered to tell ward councillors either.

This is really not on and I have complained about it – no response as of yet. There were also some vans in Braemar Road and a sign that it was coming both to Albany and to The Butts. Of course I don’t give a monkeys about Netley or The Butts because they are not in my ward, but Braemar and Albany are a different matter. People are asking for a refund on their parking costs. I see their point, though the amount would be small. I hear in some other places people get a small gift or a souvenir and I think they should.

To add to this, I actually was in my car on Wednesday evening due to a small bike problem. There were people lurking in The Butts and I approached a lollipop stop sign. He waved me through without changing the sign – good job I wasn’t a terrorist – and on the corner of The Butts square I saw an old car (pre war, unidentified) a Gilbert Scott telephone box which was moving along the pavement – spooky – and a bunch of chaps (probably bounders and cads I’d say) lurking on the corner in dinner jackets. Had all the signs of a historical drama. You may call me Poirot if you wish.

On Saturday I went down (again) to Lampton Park where I had heard tell of a Greener Living Festival. There were some of the usual suspects (as Poirot put it) such as a lady from Bedfont Lakes clutching a young friend.

Well really, as far as I know it might be an old friend but whatever not someone I wanted to make friends with. Bit of a wimp about reptiles whether they are lizards or representatives of the press.

Unfortunately, the message didn’t seem to have got to too many potential attendees and I got in for nothing rather than paying £5000 to see Oasis (which I don’t want to see anyway).

There were a few councillors around, including Adesh Farmahan making himself a smoothie using his own power. I’m drunk on power and a smoothie myself, obviously, so don’t need smoothies to stimulate me.

Sunday we had our collective Surgery in the Digital Dock. I think this only applies to Brentford, but we have very few locals in Brentford needing surgery attention, and the ones who do come are nearly always from Syon and Brentford Lock. The main event was a couple of people from Town Wharf though it now seems to be called Radley Wharf. Never my ward, but over the years I’ve had a bit of contact with people there. If you don’t know, you can easily miss it. It’s a small and very crowded mooring which is most easily seen from the footbridge that leads to Johnson’s Island, where Boris Johnson was not born. Don’t suppose Clive Radley who used to play for Middlesex and England at cricket was born on Radley Wharf either, but you never know.

Anyway, because it was their ward Dan and Katherine led the surgery and I kept in the background making reassuring noises. Their landlord is now Ballymore and it’s stressful for them as they need to move temporarily. The plan is for them to go to Workhouse Dock but they are worried it will not work properly so good that Dan and Katherine are on the case.

On Monday I went up for a morning coffee in my favouritish (there are others) café the Potting Shed. Did a detour down Clitherow Road where some joker had destroyed a bollard and I was checking our chums in Hounslow Highways had replaced it. They had, but I noticed what appeared to be a homeless Portaloo. It was crying for loneliness and I think it had been left there after the Junction2 show. Reminds me I had omitted to report it.

The abandoned Portaloo by the parked Bentley convertible

In the bad old days we used to refer to Skoda convertibles as skips. There were probably the odd one in Clitherow Road in the 1980s but I doubt any Bentley convertibles. Don’t refer to the Bentley in this picture as a skip, is my advice, though I suppose it would do the job very well and cut a dash at Space Waye. Perhaps we could put the portaloo in the back if we take the hood down.

On Tuesday I found myself online at a NHS meeting which is about primary care. Not sure why I’ve ended up on this – perhaps a hangover from my Cabinet responsibility for Health/social services integration but whatever it is interesting and I’ll carry on going when I can. A set of updates from the local hospital and a thing about digital inclusion. I’m still a bit of a novice but I am feeling able to contribute these days.

After that I was off to Hounslow House. Someone I have been working with about a lack of housing (she was evicted with her 2 kids a while ago and the head teacher alerted me). She had been living with a friend but friend was busy having a baby so she was out again. She spent the day in Hounslow House and she got temporary accommodation at the end of the day in a hotel somewhere. Not really a home, but a lot better than the street. These things are really horrible for the residents and for the Housing staff. I have to press them but I feel sorry for the officers as well as the homeless because the situation is so difficult. I seem to get another one of these every week almost. They are not always horror shows but they often are and they usually take a long time to resolve. This is terrible for everyone involved, but particularly for the children.

In the evening it is the Area Forum at the Music Museum. It is well attended these days but as someone observed it is nearly all older people who attend. We had updates from Ballymore, Berkeley Group (Homebase) and Hadley (GSK site). Interesting and I hope people learned things they wanted. There was an extensive and lively question section with plenty of controversy, which I think is very healthy, if sometimes uncomfortable. Emma and I are trying to find a new way to engage with people who usually don’t. We rang Oasis and Taylor Swift but nothing yet.

This sounds fun on Sunday.

Should mention as we’re talking music, it was The Melvinator’s 80th birthday on Tuesday but he couldn’t come to the Area Forum because a nephew died on Monday. He had hoped for a birthday wish with the Mighty Wurlitzer, but he missed out. He did come to the Labour Branch on Wednesday and got a lively Happy Birthday!

On Wednesday Emma and I had an update at the Potting Shed and then went around the ward. First to knock on one of the new houses on Windmill. Sometimes as a councillor you hear some good news, and the lady we found was very happy. The houses are lovely and have small gardens at the back and will be so nice for people who have been in Charlton House, which is on its last legs.

We went to the office in Albany Parade after and it was lively. Apparently people are starting to move into Block D on the High Street this week, at last.

We passed ‘my’ sheltered housing place, ‘my’ Lodge.

It was very thoughtful for some clairvoyant to name this after me before they even knew about me.

In the evening we were in the Free Church for the Labour party branch. A good talk from our secretary Adam, who is a Geography teacher locally, about the challenges and plans in education. Everybody is heaving a sigh of relief now we have a proper government, though we know how difficult it will be sorting out the mess.

This morning, Thursday, I was up Boston Manor Road with a couple I’ve met before. They back on to some allotments which belong to Ealing Council and we are trying to get them take some control. There are triffids coming over and now beginning to destroy fences and sheds, which makes everyone very tetchy and insecure.

Good luck walking down the rear access path behind their house (allotment fence on left, resident’s wall on the right).

Friends of the Parks at Boston Manor this evening, and That Was The Week That Was.

Councillor Guy Lambert