My Aim to Be the New Jimmy Anderson Appears to Have Failed

Brentford West councillor Guy Lambert reports back

Cllr Guy Lambert

April 25, 2024

A week has gone by, but no news about whether I have any skeleton. Must see if I can see my GP, easier said and done these days but I get there in the end.

On Friday, a coffee with the former treasurer of Hounslow Community FoodBox to get his insight into a few issues we are working through. Later, out knocking doors in Boston Gardens, Boston Manor Road, Swyncombe Avenue etc. This is a place where you make a decision about something that some like and some don’t, in this case the restrictions which stop people entering Swyncombe from Boston Manor Road.

Most people in Swyncombe are delighted with the change, because it stops their road being a head to tail road jam at busy times (actually sometimes all day) made by people from the West heading for Ealing. The people in Boston don’t have the same view, because they have to go a longer way around if they’re heading for Ealing (or trying to cut out the traffic lights at the A4). That thing about pleasing everybody. I try, but am an abject failure sometimes!

Afterwards I made my now regular visit to the gym (well, the second time in several years 😊 ) and proved to myself again that despite appearances I am super-fit, though my dodgy right arm makes it unlikely I will be able to make a convincing claim for a place in the England cricket squad any time soon. My country’s loss, of course.

On Saturday I made a visit to the mending service at St Paul’s church. A small but perfectly-formed squad of seamstress ladies stitching stuff, some of it looking very exotic with embroidery and other beautification. Great what the church do there – a lively café and lots of activities for all ages. Then round the corner to Lateward to commence our latest assault on the voters of Brentford West (metaphorical only) around and about.

On Sunday I was called to the Kings Arms for more canvassing but I’m afraid I decided I had had enough for the day after a few minutes and made my way to the market instead. Chatted with the Greens who had their usual stall there with a bit of friendly banter as always but we were then approached by the editor of Brentford TV and Today and whatever words he is adding today to his site (currently “better not leak to Brentfordtv”). No need to leak because his bloodhounds (not I think his pooch, Barney, apparently named after my own late cat) sniff around anything that is going on amongst councillors (and anybody else) and reproducing what is said without acknowledgement or thanks. I got over-excited as I do from time to time but I didn’t think even he was as low as to have someone secretly filming me. I know he used to edit a tabloid but I thought those days were over after Andy Coulson and Piers Morgan, but apparently not. Worse, he took a member of the public’s comment and reproduced it without any acknowledgement. The upside is that I am now in contact with this person who is trying to make Brentford better, as I strive for so no harm done, other than perhaps to the image of BrentfordTV with its core audience in Chiswick, Isleworth, Ealing etc.

The market was nice but it was too cold and windy for my taste so I didn’t stay too long. I then went down Catherine Wheel Road to see what was going on at the Duke’s Palace but found he had mostly absconded, leaving only really the Brewery Tap (and a few interesting cars). He is reopening soon at the car park and I was delighted to see (amongst others) Jim’s bicycle repair place and the cobbler etc in new homes opposite the Tap. It was all a bit sad and I talked with Annie, the licensee and said I would do my best to ensure it has a healthy trade – here’s the menu of the right notes for the next few weeks, not necessarily in the right order.

On Monday, no meetings until late afternoon when we met about our plans to mow (or not) in May and over the summer. This is a bit controversial because our preference is to avoid mowing – particularly in May, but in places more widely – because it is important to support wildlife, particularly insects. Last year I saw more butterflies than I’d seen for a long time and that is always good for the soul. But some people are upset because it makes the place look less tidy and we were discussing how to follow this ambition without too much upset to the tidy minded. I am also very keen on our wildflower plantations which improve the environment throughout the early summer and which we will be doing more of this year. Also important that we let people know what and where, and we will be getting out more info about that.

During the day I visited Clayton Crescent. I talked about the flower beds there a couple of years ago and it was lovely to see that this partnership between local residents (doing most of it) and Hounslow Highways has made this small street hugely more attractive.

It used to look unloved but it now is lovely. The general look of the street has been transformed – all 5 beds have now had the ‘treatment’ and everybody I’m sure appreciates it. We need to do this in other places and I have discussed with Hounslow Highways and they are eager to support this. Of course Air Quality Brentford have done a lot around the town but if more people improve their immediate locality it is even more powerful.

Along the same lines, I thought it was appropriate to update the now inaccessible pathway that used to link Ferry Quays to what used to be Morrisons. A few years ago I secured some money from S106 funds to improve this and back in that toasting summer of 2022 I spent many hours taking lemonade bottles full of water to the young trees there. I found out at the time Heidelberg redevelopment that it was agreed that those trees, which turned out to be on Heidelberg property, were for the chop. A woman supervising some work there told me she would try to get them relocated but it never seemed likely to be practicable. As it turns out, not only have they gone for a burton, but the mature one of the corner of the river has gone too – need to check if that was permitted, but a bit late. Need to check and get an update as to when we’ll get our back door entry back – I think I remember September being discussed. I can’t see it clearly but I think the bigger tree on the corner to the right, just out of this picture, is still there. Phew. That looks like a hangman’s scaffold down at the bottom but I suspect that is misleading.

I digressed. After the meeting I was out with a band of brothers in central Hounslow, partly around the surprisingly pleasing Inwood Park. Bashing on doors, and the enthusiasm in Hounslow is more evident even than it is in Brentford.

On Tuesday I had an invitation to attend an Eco-event at Chatsworth Primary School in Hounslow South. Hadn’t realized what a big school it is. And I was blown over to hear what they are doing about recycling. Enthusiastic teachers (including the head), keen youngsters, 3 complex recycling centres around the school. Not surprising it was bedlam there with loads of children, parents, teachers etc but was great fun to be there. Apparently the fair raised well over £600. I know from my daughter and a number of others how busy primary teachers are and I think it’s truly heroic that somebody has the commitment to do all this work around saving the planet, on top of their onerous classroom duties. Respect, and I will continue looking to spread this to other schools.

After all that fun, I was home on my keyboard, attending first a presentation about a new planning system which is coming very soon. I have to warn you, that when I moaned about the planning system when I was a green-horned councillor 9 years ago, I was told a new system was ‘imminent’. Well, imminent turns out to mean in 2024 and we were given a preview, before a lot of us had to leave to attend a cabinet meeting. I was very impressed by what I saw, and just asked whether it had been fully tested by users, which they confirmed was what they had been working on for some time. This used to be my profession (not so much testing as making sure it was being done and also understanding how legacy data was being treated, very relevant for planning). The answers were convincing and it will be an enormous step forward – can’t wait to get the real system to use or at least play with.

At cabinet we discussed complaints process – we need to change it after legislation changes; how we will approach budget for next year – our new head of finance is very complimentary about the state of finances but warns that we will need tough decisions to ensure it stays that way; parking – a review of charges etc and how we are going to try to stop the current epidemic of blue badges being stolen. Finally, and the most lively debate was about Lime bikes. The story of Lime bikes has three chapters round here. Chapter 1: we’ve had them for several years but as a ward councillor I had had precisely one complaint about them in all that time. Chapter 2: When we made moves to manage them better (after all, we have no powers to stop them) we had a crescendo of protest with loads of emails, lots on social media and abuse of the service by (mainly) kids. Chapter 3: since last about August/September I have had no correspondence and there is little or none on social media. As far as I’m concerned they are a useful service, used by hundreds of people every day. Expensive but convenient. In my personal opinion they were better without the ‘pens’ where they are supposed to be left but that’s just me. Some councillors from the West of the borough are not so keen, I think because they are a) not as used to them and b) there are less people cycling. Anyway, good to have a decent debate about it. We talked quite late into the night but well worth it.

Wednesday was much lighter, just a canvass session when we visited Riverside Way. Not a lot of people even know it’s there (and I didn’t really, before it moved into my ward 2 years ago). It is between Great West House – where I worked for many years and managed the building for a lot of them when it was known as Honeywell House – and the river/canal and what I remember looking out on was Fiat, which had a large workshop there (my colleague remarked that FIAT means Fix It Again Tony just as LOTUS means Lots Of Trouble Usually Serious). The site became a rather fine looking business park. At some point I presume they couldn’t find customers so it became largely residential. It is a slightly odd estate – at one point there is a staircase going up which finishes with a wall across it and it’s not easy for a canvasser to get in. We managed and found a few voters and had some interesting conversations including a long one with a man who said he was a GP doctor – rather a threatened breed these days.

In the evening two new local facts came to my knowledge. First was that Lord Frank Field, the veteran politician who died this week, was once a Hounslow councillor representing Turnham Green ward in Chiswick, and allegedly living above the Foster Books shop next to the George IV pub. Well I never.

Staying on the George IV scheme, there seems to have been another in Brentford, and William Makepeace Thackeray wrote about George IV. I knew Thackeray lived in Chiswick and his novel Vanity Fair was based on a school there but I didn’t know about the Brentford poems.

It seems that in about 1840 Thackeray published two ballads on this theme. One was "The King of Brentford" while the other was "The King of Brentford's Testament".

These were satirical ballads about George IV, who had died in 1830. This extract from the King of Brentford may refer to the George IV alehouse which stood at 50 High Street, on the eastern corner of Goat Wharf and High Street:

Thank you to those who posted this on the forum. No King in Brentford but we have the Duke of Northumberland next door (a bit illogically) and of course we have His Grace Merlin, The Duke of London in Brentford.

Friday morning, an appointment at St Paul’s church. They are looking to improve their sustainability by putting a lot of solar panels on their roof, which I think all us councillors who were there thought would be great. The only ones heathens like me will see will (if they go ahead) on the upper part of this roof, though there will be more buried in other parts of the building. Well, not really buried, because that wouldn’t catch the sun, but you know what I mean, I’m sure.

Councillor Guy Lambert