Cycling into Town with My Fellow Green Lizards

Brentford West councillor Guy Lambert reports back

Cllr Guy Lambert

March 10, 2023

On Friday I had a look at Lampton companies’ financial performance in the third quarter – finishing in December. Most companies are going well but we have some difficulties in a couple of them, particularly Leisure. Their biggest expense is energy (takes a lot to heat big halls and swimming pools).

In the afternoon I had number 27126 engagement of the current series of consultations with medical types which took my afternoon, but things are improving so I’m not going to complain (well, not much). I also heard that two of my pals I had lunched with on Tuesday had come down with the fashionable lurgy. I had to break out my tests and found I had escaped anything, but I had forgotten how to do the tests after such a long break from them!

On Saturday evening I met over a pint or three with a couple of the potentates from Brentford Voice, talking about the plans we share to promote, improve and extend the river side paths in Brentford (or those that are left for us proles to stroll). We seem to see things very much the same and we just need to get an agreed programme (and where needed, a bit of funding) which has been a bit elusive, which is frustrating because the path is close to being complete. To clarify, we are all keen to get a bridge or other solution at Smith Hill, a better crossing at Goat Wharf and a better canal side walk from Augustus Close Bridge through to Brentford Bridge – the last bit having some serious challenges.

Sunday was a big (and cold!) cycling day. I was off from Brentford Market Place to the big city – culminating at Marble Arch and onward into Piccadilly. I had to be especially careful as I was travelling with a number of green lizards disguised as humans. They are very artful as they all (me included) could pass as real humans of various ages and genders, but they are members of the London Cycling Campaign and green lizards one and all, determined to destroy London, Chiswick as the first priority, and to imprison people within their homes or in any case within 15 minutes of home.

Here’s some Brentford lizards:

Then they join up with other cells (are they cells or nests?) at Marble Arch:

And listen rapturously to the sernon from London’s Chief Lizard, who claims to be a human called Will Norman who works as Walking and Cycling Commissioner for GLA.

Anyway, all of us spent the morning cycling across London to the high temple at Marble Arch and then continued down Piccadilly etc. In fact, we were cycling in support of females who have the outrageous desire to be able to move round London safely on a bicycle (or that’s what they say). Getting just a touch more serious, it was good fun to get out on my bike with a lot of chums. There were some good speeches at Marble Arch, mainly from women with a cycling story, some inspiring, some a bit harrowing. I carried on a bit down Piccadilly but starting and stopping is hard on my still convalescing arms (in particular) and I decided there was too much stopping and starting so I cut away down to The Mall (reminded me of Brentford) and went home at speed, reaching the dizzy heights of 12 mph on some of the downhill bits.

I got home in time to study the form of Manchester United against my favourite team, known as Liverpool. I found myself crying quite a lot as Liverpool put in 7 goals against poor, sad, Manchester. I was not crying with laughter, honest.

Well, Sunday was fun, but back to serious matters on Monday. During the week I had heard of a mystery camera appearing outside Boston Manor Station. I went up and took a picture of the camera. It was suggested to me that it was a ULEZ camera to a) catch people multiple times to be charged again and again for the ULEZ charge every time they moved and b) to ensure that people remained within their 15 min compound to discourage them from leaving their area.

I did point out that the idea of 15 minutes areas is to ensure that everybody in Hounslow is able to access local services within 15 minutes so they can walk or cycle to the local shops or doctors, rather than forcing to do it in Brentford if they prefer. If they would prefer to buy their carrots in Cambridge or go to hospital in Honolulu the council certainly doesn’t want to put any barriers in their way. Anyway I did do a bit of research with TfL, who told me they are putting these cameras around the place so they can identify who is driving in the ULEZ area, in the same way as they do in the Congestion Charge area, and have been doing so for years (it has just celebrated its 20 th birthday) and likewise, there is no thought to charge anyone twice for the same day!

In the evening I was down to Hounslow House, to update my cabinet colleagues what was going on with Lampton and how that will carry on next year – they are busy updating their business plan. It will be a difficult year(s) for 2023/4 and a year or two after that until we manage to elect a new government with some competence and give them a year or two to start fixing the rot. Lampton is very well managed and in general is doing an excellent job, but they will be affected by inflation and other difficulties from the pickle the government is in, like all the rest of us!

Tuesday was mainly a meeting-free day so I arranged to meet one of our local heroes, local historian Janet, who has a problem with the rear alley behind her house, where someone dumped a load of rubble etc. These little back alleys are too often tempting for people who are too idle and uncaring to deal with things respectfully. There is not all that much there and I told Janet I would try and persuade a local hero to help by lending an hour and a hatchback to help out. (Any volunteers out there? – don’t ask, don’t get).

On Wednesday morning I was supposed to see my GP but when I got there they denied any knowledge. In a way I always feel better when I know it’s somebody else’s fault, not me! Anyway I had other things to do, the first being a local woman who has had a serious problem in her council house which means she’s going to have to move for a spell whilst the council get in and fix it. She’s lived there for some time and has two kids so moving stock and barrel is not a simple matter. I’m hoping that by offering a bit of help that will help her to make this more of a palatable prospect.

After that, into Hounslow for an update from senior management from Lampton, not helped by (my) technical problems 😨 too often the story of my life these days. I was supposed to looking in to Women’s day sessions but instead I spent a couple of hours in the IT department whilst we tried to work out what was wrong!

Then I had the Cleaner and Greener Reference Group meeting, where some residents around the borough made some suggestions about ways we could improve parks etc. A lively event and one which will inform the way ahead.

I was planning to look in the Brewery Tap for a concert with a very intriguing woman Jazz singer Florence Joelle and her trio but my stamina wasn’t up to going out late on a horrible evening!

I was out in the morning though, to meet my old leader Steve Curran for a coffee at the Strand Café. The rumour was that Steve lived very near by so when I saw him going off to pay for parking on his phone I thought that was a touch extreme. Anyway the rumour turns out as precise as so many we hear these days from the government. I remarked he looked very trim and he told me he’d just got back from his trip to Australia, where he’s walked over 200 miles and from his treatment over the last year and an active life he’s lost an enviable amount of tonnage. He’s enjoying being out of politics and the stresses of being a leader and seemed very chipper.

I carried on to visit a man in Chiswick who I have been corresponding with me for a while and has a beef about the state of pavements in his road. Frankly, I’ve seen worse but I’ll put it on the list for the Pavement Pledge (no guarantees!) and ask Hounslow Highways to take a fresh look – there are certain areas that certainly need some attention.

In the afternoon I did a brief round trip – via Braemar Road to look at some potholes a resident had mentioned he in unhappy about, and up to the A4 to see if any progress has been made making crossing it safer, particularly at Ealing Road. Well, there have been some changes, but I’m not myself convinced it is any better. It is very good to see our traffic team taking this problem seriously but I don’t think where we have got to – which of course involves National Highways and their contractors which don’t apparently share my concerns where I think we need to be.

Anyway, after all this excitement it was the police panel in St Paul’s church. For some reason we were not allowed to stay in the café so ended in the chapel, which always makes me nervous. It seems it is the end of an era because 1) the police are now getting up to speed with the ward changes which mean they need 2 panels for the price of one and 2) the only PC who attended and the only one I now recognise, Dan, has now got a new job in Hampshire, where he lives. That leaves me with 2 people I recognise who look after 2 wards – one Sergeant (or probably about a half of him) and one PCSO who is any case going to look after Brentford East (apparently there’s a new one for Brentford W but we haven’t met her yet.)

I know I harp about it but when I started as a councillor there would have been 2 Sergeants, 8 PCs and 4 PCSOs to staff 2 wards. Now that has changed to ½ a sergeant, 0 PCs and 2 PCSOs. I’m sure they’ll be finding more but it’s frustrating, because my faith, and that of those who attended the panel, all made the point of how satisfied with the service we have been getting from the ward team (and the excellent ward chair, Andy Ward)

Well, late on Thursday evening and I’m sure you’re as bored as I’m tired, so I will wish you toodle pip.

Councillor Guy Lambert