Weekly Update From Councillor Guy Lambert

Making Brentford safe for mobility scooters and practising karate in Market Place

Scene of the mobility scooter crash

On Thursday morning I hear a mobility scooter has turned over at the entrance to St Paul’s Rec ground. Fortunately there are people around to help and I’m told the driver (is that the right word?) is OK but I take a look later in the day and can see there’s quite a drop between the pavement and the grass in the park at a place where there isn’t a fence.

I managed to get Greenspace 360 to come out on Friday morning to make some temporary repairs but really it needs a permanent solution, which the parks team are working on.

Also good to see Lateward Road, where I must have reported potholes 15 times since I’ve been a councillor, is getting its first full resurfacing since Goddards used horse-drawn wagons to carry out removals (or so I’m told). This is the pothole pledge from the 2018 council manifesto in action. It was too hot for them to lay the top surface on Friday so they delayed until Monday. Haven’t got around to checking it out yet but I’ve seen a rave review or two.

Thursday afternoon was a Lampton day. The auditors have just about finished and are given a clean bill of health and there’s real confidence of a positive year financially as well as operationally as a lot of plans are coming to fruition. It’s satisfying to see all parts of Lampton performing well despite the current challenges and it feels like the companies are in a good place to help the Borough grapple with the severe challenges ahead of us.

Friday saw a very pleasant social interlude, meeting two of my favourite ex-councillors – Lynne Green and Myra Savin – and one of my favourite councillors still at it – Mayor Tony Louki – for a gentle coffee, grumble, San Pellegrino, set the world to rights, swelter, on the terrace outside The Verdict.

Ah, but little did I know… In the afternoon I cycled out to Hampton Court and back along the river, as is my wont. Large queue at the temp traffic lights by the Northumberland Arms and I filter to the front as we cyclists do. With a 267 right behind me, I aim for a quick getaway when the lights change (yes I DID wait, contrary to rumour) and push down heartily on my left pedal. Now normally the force of my leg muscles gets transferred by chain, sprockets etc into rotational motion of the rear wheel, causing startling acceleration and frightening the children. On this occasion the chain had fallen off so instead of propelling myself forward I went sideways to the ground. Alarm, shock and horror was visited upon onlookers and much wailing from yours truly added to the general trauma. A couple of young women tried to help me up, which was most kind, but my legs were entangled with the bike and the saddle was wedged at my lower back, causing me to yell in a most indelicate fashion ‘My Arse’. After a while I was disentangled thanks to their help and surveyed the damage to knee and elbow which involved a fair amount of tomato ketchup, or something red. Nothing serious so I continued home to clean up and discovered a bruise to my armpit presumably from the handlebar – a new experience for me. I’ve had infections in my legs before so opted for a trip to A&E where I got attended to by a nurse and am now on the antibiotics, as an infection had set in.

Saturday morning was Air Quality Brentford’s Great Market Place Planting so I went along to lend a hand. Very satisfying breaking bits of polystyrene using the same ‘Karate’ calls as I used as a schoolboy (actually they really work, even if bystanders think I’ve finally lost it) and tipping bags of earth. Out of respect for living beings I leave any interference with plants well alone as I know what effect I have on them.

I’m wondering whether the wearing of face masks will have evolutionary consequences, in that those with a short space between their ears and their nose, or with particularly robust ear structures, will be more successful in reproducing than those like me. When I was a schoolboy I was often teased about (amongst many other things) sticky out ears and in the present emergency I have great trouble keeping a face mask in place. Perhaps the new George Clooney will look like this?

Sunday morning, back at the Market Place again for the actual market, restarting after lockdown. Very good it was and a good attendance including a few keen to ask questions or have a grumble at councillors. Fortunately there were a lot of us about - Smart, Dunne, Dennison, Eason, Louki so I could bring the sloping shoulders into play and deflect people elsewhere.

On Monday I had booked to attend an event with the Good Law Project. They are working to challenge in the courts some contracts which appear to be astonishingly inept even if they are not corrupt. The one I’ve been following most closely is a pest control company who have 16 employees and file micro-company accounts which suggest they are technically insolvent. They copped a contract worth £108M despite being a micro company in a different business. A Conservative MP on the radio justified this on the basis that rat catchers use PPE. My friend Eddie is a plasterer and also uses PPE, so can he have £108M too?

An interesting session, coming in the week that the government are finally dismantling the ‘world-beating’ aka largely useless central track and trace system having wasted heaps of money (and time, and probably lives) on that. They are handing responsibility over to local Public Health departments who actually know about epidemics and how you deal with them, though some cynics are saying this is only because they expect a second wave and need somebody else to blame. A local resident told me last week that a friend of hers who worked as a tracer had been told his contract was being terminated. He had largely been paid to do very little and was keen to put such experience as he had into a local authority system. There is no evidence that anybody bothered to tell the people who’d be taking over the task until much later, presumably to make sure they had insufficient time to prepare properly.

On Tuesday morning we had the second session of the iLab on 21st century mobility. We’re trying now to focus down onto some flagship activities to take forward, drawn from the many ideas we’ve surfaced in these labs. There’s loads of info about these projects here.

In the afternoon I’m booked to go to Harvard Hill in Chiswick with a traffic officer and lead councillor Hanif Khan. This is a street that we’ve closed to traffic seeking to exit onto the westbound A4, which causes a lot of shortcuts through narrow residential streets. Needless to say this has been controversial, and we wanted to look at how it was working.

I stroll down to Pegasus’ stall to pick him up and… he’s GONE! Sometime on Monday night someone armed presumably with an angle grinder has cut through my mega-expensive lock and whisked him away. I hope he gave them a few kicks.

Nothing for it but to saddle up My Little Pony and wobble off to Chiswick, which I do. I arrive at Harvard Hill via the shared pavement on the A4 and dismount at the top of Harvard Hill. Whereupon I promptly impale my head on an overhanging branch, involving me removing a piece of tree from my forehead and a small amount more tomato ketchup. Needless to say I reported this on FixMyStreet. They say bad luck comes in threes…

We lurked in Harvard Hill for 40 minutes or so, but it seems people have by now taken the trip to Specsavers as only one van came up and did a U-turn (he said he’d been directed that way by Tom Tom). Another saw the ‘no access to A4’ sign at the bottom and turned there and the only miscreant was a young man on a motorcycle with L-plates. Hanif remonstrated with him, but he merely shrugged his shoulders and continued on to the A4. Motorcycles have by far the worst accident statistics, especially amongst young riders. This is no surprise. Perhaps they should watch the film my dad made in 1955.

The officer with us recommended a source of bicycles. Seemed ideal to me so I have placed an order. I don’t think a black and white cat is included, and delivery takes 2-3 weeks they say – can’t wait.

Wednesday morning, we have another iLab, this time on green growth, lively as ever: though this one had less people there was no shortfall in ideas and plenty to keep the brain cell dancing.

Later we had the steering board for all the trading companies including Coalo as well as Lampton. This is mainly council officers and top management, talking about our requirements as shareholder. Coalo has had more challenges during the lockdown: impossible for them to carry on with – for example – replacing kitchens and bathrooms whilst everybody is at home social distancing so they will have some financial challenges to overcome – as well as having some catching up to do on people’s housing refurbishments.

I decide to pump up My Little Pony’s tyres to make it less wobbly but, it being this week, succeed only in snapping off the valve. So my only personal transport for a trip to the bike shop is the ridiculous car. Grr.

Thursday turns out to be largely meeting-free, so I expect I’ll do a bit of local toddling around – My Little Pony is not the thing for long journeys. If you see an oversized bloke on a flimsy bicycle, give me a wave, and you might want to join me, Corinna and Ruth for ‘Labour Listens’ this evening. Unfortunately I anticipate I will have mislaid my hearing aids.

Cllr Guy Lambert

August 13, 2020